"What if...?"

Since I'm a girl with too much time on her hands, I tend to go "What if...?".

I'm not really happy being in Russia. Living in Brunei is bad enough, living here is even worse. So what if I took a different course other than medicine? 3 and half years has gone by, and that thought still won't leave me. Being a doctor is tough, having to diagnose patients. And you constantly live in fear that you are the cause of death of a patient if you give the wrong diagnose and treatment. That's what I'm afraid of anyway, so I was thinking what if I took a different course? ... *smacks head* I have no clue to alternative courses. So... I'm stuck being a medical student. Okay. What if I study in a different country? It sheds me some light .. and a bit of hope there... But 3 years have gone by, and if I leave this place and I have to go back to square one. Actually, I can live with it because I'm still 20. It's not like I'm in a hurry to work or anything. I still have the interest to learn new things. Back to square one - my parents don't approve of. Oh, I forgot, I'm on a student loan, so I can't break the contract. And plus, money issues. So I do the "what if" waaaay back. What if I wasn't slacking off during my O-level years? But then, my results are good (not satisfactory for my dad). What if I went through Maktab Duli and sat for my A-levels? Then I might have gotten a better result and thus I get a scholarship and get into a better university! Ta-Dah.

My "What if..." on education stops there.

Like I said, those 11 years of regret.
Well, enough of that.

Shaking my head and tsk-tsk-ing (haha... dunno what it's called) I return to my studies.

...What if I wasn't such a dour and angry person back when I was in high school?

Neeeeehh... I'm being a passive pessimist again.

I wish I hadn't booked my flight ticket on the 11th July. Partly because the university didn't issue the dates of final examination back then. People were saying it finished on the 6th. Then some say 4th. Don't know who to believe, I took the 11th. Then after a few weeks the official exam dates came out, my last paper was on the 2nd July. Damn Russians. Couldn't change the date also. So die lah. A week in Kursk. Please kill me permanantly during the whole week. Or put me into this cryogenic tube things where you temporarily freeze people or something. Never aging. hahaha.. too many science fiction going on in my head.

So I'll come back to Malaysia on the 13th July, live with my aunty in KL, and on the 15th I'll fly off to Brunei.. Hrm.. I wish I had more time in malaysia. I wanna go to Langkawi or something. These are the times when I have the need to travel and see new places, eat new food =)

Uh oh.. I heard squeaking noises in my room just now... I'm hoping it's not mice. Or big creepy crawlies. Eewww~ I just saw a tiny one on my desk. DIE~!!!